pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize