i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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