best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
