omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
