Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
