the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
