that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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