dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize