I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
