therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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