On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Couch. On fire.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
