Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
