i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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