i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
