if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
