Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
