My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
