whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
