yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Mom said you looked used
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
