Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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