He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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