i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
