This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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