...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
