Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
