Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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