i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
