Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
These tits shall not be calmed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
