Say something about gay babies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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