My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize