Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
