the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drunk walkin through police station. America
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
