Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
