if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
