She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
