dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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