people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
