I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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