My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
