what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
