By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
