first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
