six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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