I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
