We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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