yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
