Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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