they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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