I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
