my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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