I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
