You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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