Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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