i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When are your genitals available?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
