Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
