I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
