i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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