seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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