During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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