peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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