You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
