She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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