i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
