I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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