it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
