Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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