Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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