Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
