So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
