I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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