highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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