my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize