He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
