somebody snuck up and got me drunk
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
