Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
