Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
