What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
