If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
