I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
